Moans From Old Bones

Quick note, dragged myself off the sofa to visit the seal colony last week only to discover that they had excellent coverage on BBC two, Natures calendar, that I could see without having to leave the house. Its a funny thing but we never seem to appreciate things that are on our own door step, but at least the seals do.

Did I make light of my arm injury in my last post? Did I? I certainly did. The injection wore off and for the last month I have been practically a couch potato, swallowing ibruprofen by the sackful, emitting pitiful moans and when not watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here, sleeping my life away.

On TV the other day, the presenters were discussing their phobias with regard to the Celebrity jungle trials. One said she was frightened to take down the curtains and she was absolutely right to be so, take it from me, Curtains are dangerous. Bring on the wichetty
grubs.

The Gorgeous Graham, busy decorating inside and out of the Hertfordshire house, kept insisting, that since he had only tendered a low estimate, it was a TOSH job.
A new one on me but I've taken quite a fancy to it, so since I've got the aforementioned bad arm, I would like to inform everyone that most of the jobs I am doing are only tosh jobs.
(the spell checker hadn't heard of it either.)

This post is just, that little bit painful for me. While putting up the curtains at work, I over stretched myself and ow. Left arm in excruciating agony, I even had to visit the Doctors. One injection later,- what was that in the syringe?- I am now recovering, but suffering when having to carry heavy bags. Not good in my line of work, but at least the Doctor will know I am still alive, as the last visit I made was in 2002 or 2003 and I didn't have a clue what his name was - (or her) because its a new one. Does that make sense? I will stop this moan as no matter what, I don't think... these things are difficult to measure... I am in as much agony as my buddy Frank with his knee. All the best Frank.

Paul and I did a whistle stop tour of the British Museum the other day.

Our findings were as follows:

It is a proper museum.

We had no idea totem poles were so tall.

Elgins marbles might as well be returned to Greece, if the Greeks really would like them - otherwise perhaps Maria might like them in her garden in Melbourne. We arrived at this conclusion since we were told the plaster cast copies were better than the originals.

It was a shame nearly all the willies on the statues had dropped off.

It is difficult to view the Egyptian Section without humming Indiana Jones' signature tune.

The Rosetta stone works on the same principle as the original HP sauce bottles -cette sauce de haut qualite etc etc

The staff are very helpful and obliging and they do a good quality carrier bag.

Climbing into the back seat of a taxi and almost getting my throat cut by the seatbelt, I was forcibly reminded of the TV advertisement for booster seats for the young teenagers, who are apparently at risk of being decapitated.

Why is it that the manufacturers can't anchor the rear seatbelts just that little bit further forward?

I suppose none of them are back seat drivers.

We went to the One Man Star Wars Show last Friday. It is performed by a chap called Charles Ross. He was very talented and so very, very funny. He did the original 3 Starwars films on his own, the performance lasting one hour.

During this time he did the opening overtures, he enacted all the characters and the starship battles and at the same time made many comedy asides. All with no props or scenery whatsoever

Even someone like me, who has only a hazy idea about Starwars, was able to follow the plot and recognize the characters. I really don't know where he got the energy from. On the stage he was continually moving about and never stopped dialogue or sound effects.

If you do get the opportunity to see him please do go because it is an evening of excellent entertainment.

The warm up comedian, on first was very funny too, especially impressive because there were some children in the audience and so he couldn't rely on the crude and lewd for his laughs.

Our party thought the comment about the internet being quiet, because of the Starwars show especially apt.

His name was Matthew, and he came from Sunderland, but I was too convulsed to get more details, but be sure that young man will be on TV before long.

It was a great evening both men worked hard to get an excellent rapport with the audience, - laughter is the best medicine, thank you Matthew and thank you Charles!

www.onemanstarwars.com

I've been introduced to Jim whilst staying in Berkshire.

Jim lives in the souls of the enlightened. But he was born in a small house in Coventry.

Jim says 'Once you have 40 channels, a home computer, a good sound system, a great jacket and enough money for a holiday in the Caribbean, you can give up.'

Di says, ' just about sums up life in Berks.'

Jim says, 'There is nothing on the telly.'

Di says, 'just about sums up life in Berks.'

Jim says, 'It is easier to ride the bus in the direction it's going.'

Di says, ' just about sums up life in Berks.'

Jim says, 'You must listen to the looney on the bus. Remember everything that the looney says. Then tell your friends and you'll have a good laugh about it later.'

Di says, ' Why does the looney on the bus always have to sit next to me?'

Off tomorrow, and so far drains have run freely. I hope that's the end of it.

It is now possible that the next long running saga will be entitled:

"There's a moose a loose about the hoose."

Kenny has suggested I don't travel without a trap, as Hertfordshire is over run with vermin.

Last words, some of them coming from Bryan. I seem to do more travelling that Travellers and still have to pay council tax.

For those of you in the know, updates are as follows.

Sue is home - and talking (but not about me I hope).
Barb is considering putting herself on the kidney transplant list - but not if someone younger wants it first.
My favourite nephew is back at work, at long last today, cos the steroids are kicking in.

Smiles all round.

I was devastated to see on my home page that Paddy Powers has organised the first Strip Poker World Championship.

We are holding the competition because we got so much interest from our spoof April Fool this year about a strip poker competition that we thought, 'why not? let's do it for real," Paddy Power's Darren Haines told Reuters on Friday.
He said players of both sexes from over 12 countries would battle it out for the "Gold Fig Leaf" trophy and the right to revel in the title of World Strip Poker Champion.
Aside from strict rules governing the poker play, Paddy Power has laid down clear guidelines on the stripping element -- most importantly that each player starts the match by wearing five items of clothing supplied by the organisers.
Each contestant will be given a towel to sit on and to cover themselves when naked, but only after they have stripped completely.
"Inappropriate behaviour," will not be tolerated, said Paddy Power.

Nobody invited me.